How long should I do the butterfly hug?

For self-soothing, therapists commonly suggest slow tapping for 30 seconds to a few minutes, pausing to notice how you feel. Follow your own therapist's guidance if it differs — this varies by person and purpose.

Should the tapping be fast or slow?

Slow. For calming and grounding, slow alternating taps are the standard guidance. Faster stimulation is typically reserved for reprocessing work inside sessions, guided by a clinician.

What if the butterfly hug makes me feel worse?

Stop and use another grounding skill. Bilateral stimulation can occasionally stir material up rather than settle it, especially with trauma history. Mention it to your therapist — that response is useful clinical information.

The Butterfly Hug: Steps, Origins, and When It Helps

The short version: the butterfly hug is a self-administered bilateral stimulation technique — you cross your arms over your chest and tap your shoulders alternately, left-right, at a slow rhythm. Therapists teach it as a grounding and self-soothing skill, and it is one of the most widely used take-home tools in EMDR therapy. It costs nothing, works anywhere, and takes about a minute to learn.

Where the butterfly hug comes from

The technique was introduced by therapists Lucina Artigas and Ignacio Jarero, who developed it while working with survivors of Hurricane Pauline in Acapulco, Mexico, in 1997–98. It became a core part of EMDR group protocols used after disasters, precisely because it lets people give themselves bilateral stimulation without any equipment or one-on-one clinician time. Artigas received an EMDRIA award for the innovation, and the butterfly hug has since been used with communities after earthquakes, floods, and conflict around the world.

How to do it, step by step

Settle and breathe

Sit comfortably, both feet on the floor. Take a slow breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. You can close your eyes or soften your gaze downward.

Cross your arms over your chest

Place your right hand on your left shoulder or upper chest, and your left hand on your right side, so your thumbs hook toward your collarbone and your fingers rest below your shoulders — like folded butterfly wings.

Tap slowly, one side at a time

Alternate: left hand taps, then right hand taps. Keep it slow and gentle — roughly one tap per second or slower. The alternation matters more than the strength.

Notice, without forcing

Let thoughts, images, and body sensations come and go like clouds passing. You are not trying to make anything happen — just observing while the tapping continues.

Pause and check in

After 30 seconds to a couple of minutes, stop, take a breath, and notice how your body feels. Repeat if it is helping. Stop if it is stirring things up.

When to stop: the butterfly hug is meant for calming and grounding. If it brings up distressing memories or strong feelings instead, stop, use another grounding skill (orienting to the room, slow breathing, cold water on your hands), and tell your therapist. Trauma reprocessing itself belongs in sessions with a trained clinician — not on the couch at home.

What therapists use it for

Grounding and self-soothing between sessions — the most common assignment: slow bilateral tapping paired with a calm image or a resource established in session.
Resource installation support — strengthening positive material (a calm place, a felt sense of safety) with slow bilateral stimulation.
Group and disaster protocols — in EMDR group work (the EMDR-IGTP protocol), everyone self-administers the butterfly hug simultaneously, which is how the technique was born.
A bridge into tactile BLS — clients who respond well to the butterfly hug often do well with haptic tappers, which deliver the same alternating rhythm without occupying the hands.

Variations that do the same job

Knee or thigh tapping — hands rest on the legs, tapping alternately. More discreet in public.
Shoulder squeeze — alternate gentle squeezes instead of taps, for people who find tapping too activating.
Haptic tappers — devices or a phone app deliver the alternating pulses for you, with a steady tempo you set. Useful when your hands are busy, when you want a precise slow rhythm, or when a therapist assigns timed practice. TheraJoy does this with Joy-Con controllers or on the phone itself, with slow resourcing presets built in.

A steady rhythm, without counting taps

TheraJoy delivers slow, even bilateral stimulation with resourcing presets — on your iPhone or through Joy-Cons — so you can focus on settling, not on tapping.

Download on the App Store

Frequently asked questions

Is the butterfly hug the same as EMDR?

No — it is one self-administered form of bilateral stimulation used within EMDR and on its own for calming. EMDR is a full clinician-delivered therapy.

Fast or slow?

Slow, for self-soothing. Faster stimulation is generally reserved for in-session reprocessing guided by a clinician.

How long?

30 seconds to a few minutes, then pause and check in. Follow your therapist's guidance if they gave you specific instructions.

What if it makes me feel worse?

Stop, ground yourself another way, and tell your therapist — that reaction is useful information, not a failure.

The butterfly hug.